You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
