Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
