i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
