I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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