My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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