Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
