just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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