Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
