I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Too much gin, very little bucket
birth control should be required to get into college
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
