Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
