When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
