Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
