I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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