Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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