Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
