I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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