After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
