your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize