I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Randomize
