I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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