I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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