My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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