I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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