Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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