Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I intend to get homeless drunk
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
