I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
