I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
only you would photoshop your dick
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
