at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
