1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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