why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
