I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
