Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
