I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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