Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How naked do you want me to be?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
