Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
