My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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