Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
