I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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