After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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