Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
