my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
