So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
