And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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