my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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