she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
