the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
