i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
