I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
