I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
