I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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