ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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