she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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