Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
