My sheets look like a crime scene.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
