Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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