Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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