I just pynch a tree in the face
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
