But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
