Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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